Tuesday, October 16, 2012

A Few Brief Moments of Planetary Levity, or, a Holiday Gift Guide for Astrologers

From the current issue of Lapham Quarterlyhttp://www.laphamsquarterly.org/preamble/kingdom-come.php

Let's face it: a Uranus-Pluto square is personally intense no matter how you look at it (horary, natal, etc.). And in astrology, with people so desperate to try to control the unwritten future, things can get taken way too seriously. Sometimes, you just have to come up for air.

I've already written extensively about the upcoming election, the Saturn-Pluto mutual reception, and Uranus-Pluto square, to the point that there's nothing more to say. So in the interest of mirth during these dark times of plutocratic dominion, here's a few unique astrology- and astronomy- themed items to behold just for fun. 

1) Chocolate Planets: Need to give a gift to your favorite astrologer, who has stood by you without fail throughout the tough transits of this past year? Look no further. 

A hotel in Japan has created these confections, but a little more is needed to do the full Solar System right. Going the extra mile to procure an astronomically accurate dessert layout, you would need the following in addition to the chocolate planets:

The Sun: Lemon Meringue Pie. It has to be a large pie for size and scale, and because the Sun is a star and not a planet, it's going to made of different, and less dense material than the chocolate planets.

The Moon: Marzipan dipped in white chocolate. Not sure how you'd make the craters, but I'd bet there's an easy way.

The Asteroids & Centaurs: Chocolate covered seeds and raisins.

Kuiper Belt and Trans-Neptunian Objects: Probably the easiest would be a bag of plain and peanut M&M's mixed together to account for size discrepancies. Haumea can be a mini Cadbury egg.

2) Just when you thought you've seen it all, some artist comes out of nowhere with something hopelessly original.  A Norweigan fine-art photographer named Chris Jonassen has discovered that worn-out cookware, photographed in the proper light, are dead-ringers for planets!  His interview is earnestly down-to-earth and you can check out the full spectrum of PAN-etary images in his book

3) Okay, so if chocolate and cookware aren't your cup of tea, then ice cream has to be.

Alan Richman of GQ magazine shows how much the simple childhood treat once acquired by chasing after trucks in your neighborhood blaring xylophone tunes a la pied piper has grown up. Kudos to photographer Levi Brown, and especially stylist Victoria Granof for their originality. The sprinkles of Saturn are priceless.

And since the Moon is ready for its close-up, check out these cake and ice cream-filled orbs by Haagen-Dazs. 

4) No longer available, but interesting to look at nonetheless, these planetary lollipops inaccurately consider Pluto a planet. (No wonder they were discontinued.)

In consolation, the candy maker has astrology lollipops instead. 

So with Ceres currently in Cancer, and less than 30 degrees away from Jupiter, you have astrological permission to play with your food like this. 

(All images are copyright their respective owners and are used here for education purposes only.)